Day 6: 247 days left
Have you ever felt like the walls were falling in on you?
Sure you have. I feel that way right now. With pressure at work, my children struggling in school, their friends being bad influences on them, my wife constantly in a state of stress and depression due to lack of money and a living situation that is causing my family to be at each other’s throats, I feel like I can not breath. Add the constant feeling of failure to the mix and you have quite the stew. What does this recipe make? Disaster.
This is an interesting place to be in my life. I have no idea whether I am not in God’s will and He is trying to tell me, or if this is all happening as an attempt of the enemy to distract me and discourage me from doing the work of the Father. I try not to question, I try not to doubt, but to be honest it is quite hard not to. Jesus promised that His burden is light, and lets us know that we have the choice to bear His instead of our own. Not only that, but He asks us to cast our burdens on Him and He will carry them for us. Sometimes I feel like I can not find the drop box.
They are, however, promises. One thing is for certain, God does not lie. He says, and it shall be. Do I understand why I am in the situation that I am in? No. Then again, does it even really matter. He also promises wisdom to those who ask, maybe I should ask for that.
Whatever this is all about, I must continue to trust He has this under control. It is amazingly easy to trust God when things are going according to plan, but when you have know idea what to do and none of the answers seam possible, trusting God is not something that comes easy. Perhaps this is why He allows us to go through this stuff, that way we can learn to trust Him. Just today I told my cheerleaders to trust me. “Even though you don’t understand how this helps or why I am making you do this, trust me, all of this is for a reason. These things that seem useless to you are designed to prepare you for what is in the future.” Yet, I cannot give God the same courtesy.
So, I shall stay the course, endure the pain, seek wisdom, trust the Giver, and finish the race. After all, if in fact I am in the middle of God’s will, I should find it a blessing to be considered worthy of suffering for that. This battle can only be one on my knees. Will you join me in the fight?