Day 18: 235 days left
I missed yesterday’s blog, well, I chose not to write it. In this search
for balance I am seeking the Lord in many areas. One of those areas is parenting. I want to be wise and lead my children on the right path. Part of that is for me to be there for them. I am looking at these girls that I coach and see the damage that can be caused when a girl has no father in her life, or at least one that doesn’t care a whole lot. I am beginning to see how sensitive my girls are and need to make sure that I am there for them when they need me the most. Last night there was some thunder and lightning. Here in the trailer, it is kind of intimidating, especially for a six-year-old girl. So instead of writing my blog, I chose to sit with her until she went to sleep. So, in light of that, I will try to summarize the past two days. This should not be too difficult, because today brought a great conclusion to a lesson that God has been teaching me for a couple of days now.
Part of the balance that I am seeking is mental stability, or strengthening. I am not taking classes this semester due to a balance I am unable to pay, but I must keep my brain moving. I am entertaining the possibility of transferring to a secular college to get a degree to teach high school social studies. So, for the next few months I will be studying to take my ACT exam. This is going to stretch me beyond where my mental capacity has been stretched in quite some time. I need to take the test so they know where to place me in math. I hate math.
This leads, quite nicely, into the lesson that the Lord has given me in the past couple of days.
After I left my appointment with the admissions counselor I began to doubt myself. I began to fear that I was not going to be able to do this. It seems that not only the scripture I have been reading, but the conversations I have been having with God and everyone else have led me to realize that I lacked the confidence I once had. I know that my confidence level has been low, perhaps too low, and that now is the time to change. After all, “God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power and of love.” (2 Tim. 1:7) So I should not have confidence as I once did, the kind that is in my own ability, but the confidence that comes from the Spirit God put inside of me. Remembering that God is in me and working through me is very liberating. I no longer have to rely on myself, but rely on He who is in me. I know this sounds kind of elementary, but sometimes I forget those fundamental facts that guide me through the Christian life. I began to let Rebecca in on a little of this and her response was; “Oh Mauricio, just stop it, put your big boy pants on, and have a little confidence in yourself.” This is not the first time I have heard the whole confidence thing in the past couple of days.
Look into your life. Are you being as effective as you should be for the Kingdom of God? Is it possible that you have not spoken to the person that the Spirit has prompted you to speak to, or help the one in need, or start the ministry that He has put in your heart because you too have a timid spirit? If so, be reminded that in Christ you have boldness and power. We have been given the Spirit of God who equips us and sends us on mission. He is in charge of the results. That being the case; you can never fail. If He is in control of the outcome, whatever it is, it must be His will, thus it is victory. Pray as I am praying, that God will give you boldness for His purpose.